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Midway love story, 19

Midway love life story
Welcome to my page (19), midway love life story, or my unwanted love story
Wanting to become a writer for love

This is my unwanted love story, so I feel that my heart is broken because you don't love me, but in my despair I want to try anything to reach your heart; Dear me, dear me, dear me, how I love you my darling; And then I start to cry, how I love you.

Wanting to become a writer for love
Dear readers, this article is also another event that has happened to me during my life, so, it is part of my life story, even though one could say that it is more like a psychological event than a real-life event, now let me explain my position if I may. You see, I have to think about the following in a philosophical way, because philosophy is the study of general and fundamental problems, such as those connected with reality, existence, knowledge, values, reason, mind, and language. I believe that what I am writing here covers most of these things.
Anyhow, we all very well know that to succeed and be able to do anything well, one must be well prepared in order to be able to do it the way it is supposed to be done. So, if it happens that the person or people that wants to achieve a certain goal during their lives have been lucky when they were young, and they have had a good education in their youth, then during their lives they should be able to do whatever they want easily, they should be able to hold a good job, and they can do things in such a way that they could be above the average person, therefore any person that has been lucky and has been trained in their younger part of his/her life would be a lucky person indeed, because whatsoever that person wants to achieve in their lives will be easy for such a person to achieve, or at least easier than if he had not been trained at all.
But there are some people that did not have the chance to learn these things when they were young, so, they might feel as if they are in a dreadful position, and this is just what has happened to me because now I would like to become a writer, you see I would like to do that for my own personal reasons, but because I lack that training it is going to be a lot harder for me to achieve my goal. You see I have a dream of becoming a writer in my old age and write many things including my own painful love life story that never happened, because I was not well prepared to reach her heart, so I have started to dream to become a writer, in the hope of being able to reach her heart later on.
Now because I have not been trained in my case my dream of becoming a writer, it will be much harder and bigger than my ability to achieve it, so I have to try my best hoping that somehow I will be able to reach my goal, this is one of the reasons why I am writing the story of my life and my unwanted love story. You see; sometimes all these love emotions that we experience during our lives, they could become so crowded that one would say that it is all a psychological game that we play during our lives, which sometimes could be even painful, depending on the way that we feel affected.  
Psychological pains of unwanted love
Dear readers, although this is a personal and painful love story; I would like to ask you if you believe that love really exists, here we mean those love emotions that go through our mind when we fall in love; you see being in love with one of the opposite sex, it is supposed to be the most beautiful and natural thing in the world, because from this sort of love that we feel with one another one day another human being is going to be born, so, I suppose that nothing could be more natural than that, but love emotions have many twists and they show in many ways, so everyone of us has had some experience with that, but let me tell you, sometimes those love experiences may have the opposite result that we would like to have, so instead of happiness and love that we are looking for, they may bring pain and bitterness, as I have had one of those strange love experience myself, so, I would like to tell you what did happen, in my unwanted midway love story here under.
This Midway love story is a psychological and painful story of my love life, which I am going to write some of it here, because it is part of my life. I have chosen to write them here in my life story writings, because this is between the first part of my life story and my second part that is going to start with my leaving Italy to migrate to Australia; of course I am also writing it here because people fall in love during their lives, they do not fall in love when they are very young or very old, but it is a midway happening and they may bring happiness or pain, depending on the outcome of your love life.
You see dear readers what we are talking about here are these psychological love things that happen to us, and they are usually those things that have accumulated within our system and they will drive us to do unusual things, or feel that we want to do those things, even if they seem to be somehow wrong to do at the time; so, what I am going to do next is this psychological thing where I want to become a write for love, this attitude may not make sense to all of us, but that is the way that I feel right now, as I am being driven to do it anyhow. If you would like to have a longer explanation you may read this other hub called, God works in mysterious ways, where I am writing some of my love problems, this other article will try to explain better, why I would like to become a writer and write about, my unwanted love story.
My unwanted love story
Dear reader whoever you may be, I know that I have already said that I am going to tell you the story of my life here in Hub Pages, but because of my lack of training as a writer, I seem to go around in circles as if there are always other things to say, in order to get ready for the real story to begin. So I hope you understand my position, I want also to tell you that when I first started to write the story of my life, I felt as if I was going back to school to learn how to become a better writer. Well this is how I feel even now while I am writing this story of my life for the first time. Anyhow I may have to write another few articles, before I would be able to start my life story from the beginning of my life when I was a child, because as I said, at this very moment I am still thinking to write about my unwanted love story first.
Now that I have explained that let me introduce myself first of all, because I believe that I have not done that yet properly: My real name is Frank Menchise and I am just a simple bloke, and here I would like to welcome you to read my life story, my unwanted love story and the ‘Observation of my life; but as I have already mentioned above do not expect my writings to be well written because I have not been trained to be a writer, and I am not even a native of the English language, therefore I am only a try hard writer that wants to say something about my own life and love life, because my unwanted love happening has pushed me to write about it.
I need to say that, even knowing that I am not a good writer, I have come to this resolution, and I wish to write my own life story and the observations of life in English and then publish them in any ways I can on the Internet. I want and I need to write my life story just because, I need most of all to improve my own knowledge of the English language, and by writing my life observations I will have the opportunity of reaching a higher standard of knowledge of the English language, which I would not and could not achieve in any other way at my present advanced age.
So for the present time, I can only hope that my writings will be clear enough for somebody to read and understand them, and that the readers would accept my writings just the way that I have been able to write them, because as I said I am writing this in order to become a better writer, because this love force within me drives me to do it anyhow.
Life observation on love
Life observation on love and wanting to become a writer
During my life I have always liked to observe whatever has been happening around me, and I believe that there are a lot of other people that are doing just the same thing that I am doing. So, one could say that observing is just a way of life that everybody does, because we can’t help it. Since it is always very important to know what’s happening around oneself in order to survive. And in doing so we can’t help to make our own life observations about other things also, and also about life itself, and about how life affects oneself and the others around the self, everybody has got to observe what’s going on around themselves, even if one lives just a simple life like I have done myself in the past.
Therefore, because I am just like everybody else, I happen to have made my own observations during my own life, and most of my observations are just ordinary observations. But during my life, there has been one of my observations of life that took me really by surprise, and I was shocked by it very much, not only at the time when that event happened, but also for a very long time afterward, and that event being one of the most important of my observations of life, it is actually going to be the event that I will be writing about in my observations’ writings and in my Dreamland writings, because sometimes we like to dream what we cannot have, Anyhow here is a link for, Menfranco Dreamland Modified, now if you read this hub and the following hub, there is a good explanation about my love dreams.
I have also to say that, this life event that I am talking about, it has happened to me during past middle age and later part of my life, at a time when I was assuming that because of my mature age nothing could or would shock me, or even surprise me at all. But this happening did really take me by surprise, and it also upset me very much, and therefore I happen to have learned from this rare event a great deal about human nature, which I am sure that I didn’t know before this event happened, and this human experience has made me change some of my earlier views about our inner feelings about life and about love. And because of this rare event of my life, now I have come to believe that, when one falls in love everything seems to have a different meaning. So, let me say this only once, I am talking about when one falls in love at the wrong time of his life, in a very difficult situation that one cannot even talk about it openly, everything around you may have a different meaning.
As I have already said somewhere and I am saying now; I cannot talk or even write this event openly for personal reasons, therefore what I am going to write here will be written in an impersonal way. So, there may be times in our life, (At least for me it has been like that just once in my life.) when we human beings will go crazy about somebody, or perhaps something, and we will desire to have this somebody or something so much that we will try to do anything to reach out for it, in order to make whatever we so much desire our own.
So, at that moment of life when this happens: We will feel that we want to reach out and do whatever we have to do without sparing any efforts, and we hope so much to succeed in our attempt, believing that it will make ourselves feel better in the end, if we succeed to reach our goal. We’ll have to do it because the desire of getting whatever we want so much is so great that we can’t escape it, and even if our reasoning may tell us that what we are doing is not exactly right, we will keep doing it anyhow; Because, we will be driven from the inborn human nature that’s within us, which will not let us go even for a moment. Therefore, even if we would like to stop doing it, we could not be able to stop it, because our inborn human nature will override all our objections. And that’s what sometimes happens in real life, and which has definitely happened to me. Here I am talking about that God given human nature, which Mother Nature in conjunction with God has given us at birth, in the hope that it will be able to guide us the natural way during our lives. But sometimes this same human-nature that is supposed to guide us the easy in a natural way may overreact, and make things happen to a very high degree just like what has happened to me.
Driven by this inner force as I have been driven once during my life, and this happening in my case did last a very long time; we will try to do our utmost in order to do something better than we have ever done before, so that we can reach the goal that we have in mind. And even if we know that it will be very hard for us to achieve the goal that we have in mind, and there is a risk that we won’t succeed at all, we will still try to do it anyhow, because our inner self drive will not let us go.
So, there are times during our own life that one would like to do what one would like to do or at least dreams about of being able to do something that may set us up to a higher standard, where one has never been before. And one hopes that by doing so, the interested person that one loves and wants to reach, and also the rest of the community would take notice of such achievements. Therefore, one starts to dream about what one can do, in order to achieve one’s own dream of success, in the hope of impressing the other party and succeed to reach her heart.
All these love feelings with no love happenings have pushed me to write for myself only, because I was forced to write in the hope that through writing I would be able to reach her heart.
Writing for yourself only
Usually any writer writes because he wants people to read his own writings: But in my case when I started to write it was different, because I didn’t want just anybody to read my writings, because they were written for a special person only. And since this special person could not read them, because they were being written on our home computer, I didn’t want anybody else to read them at all, and even less from any member of my family. So instead of inviting a reader to read my writings, I had to try to turn them away. And I have done that, and I have used several ways to turn them off. Some of the ways that I have used may seem even crazy, but I was so desperate to have some privacy of my own at that time, so I just wrote whatever seemed strong enough to keep any would be reader away.
Here one may ask. Why do you write it at all, if you don’t want anybody to read it?
Well, here I want to point it out to you, that my love dream has made me write a lot about my love feelings, and even though they were only painful love feelings, I had to keep writing them: so that I could keep dreaming about my love and not despair, and while I was writing and dreaming I felt that I was trying to prepare myself for the future, so I was hoping that there would be a future for me with this special person. But it never happened and my dream of love has remained only a dream that will never become true.
Having finally realized that my love dream would never become true, I found that I could not forget about my love dream writings, because they were and are a part of myself, and therefore I could never willingly destroy them. So I have been thinking of finding a way how to save them, and this is what I am trying to do just now. I have also to say that I have been able to write about my love dream, or dreams, because we have a computer nowadays, and therefore it is a lot easier for me to write on the computer, and the computer allows me to store my writings in it. And also because I have been able to write on the computer, whatever and whenever I could and the computer allows me to correct or change my writings, so I have been able to write. But if these events had happened in the past when there was no computer, then I would not have been able to write anything at all.
I need to point out that the computer has made it easy for me to write what’s on my mind, but it has got a problem with privacy. That’s why I have written what I have written above only, when I could have said even more. Anyhow, I believe that this hub is becoming too long to say much more. So, see you with my next hub, where I am going to write about the last article of part one of my life story called; Farming today compared to the old way, in this article while we are trying to compare the ways of farming, we will also be able to compare how we live today and how we lived in the old time, and the great difference of life style that we have today, in a way this article links the old way of living with our new way, see you later.

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